I'm feeling a bit disconnected from myself lately. I haven't written anything of substance in a long time. pottery helped as a creative outlet last spring...but I can't justify it with all of the house related expenses these days. I miss having friends. Granted, I do have friends...the ones I have are great...but, these days they are mostly people I met through Kate...the transition back to Manchester was harder than expected. Things aren't as I remember them and the friends I had here are busy with their own lives. I've stopped trying to reach out to them...because when I do, I just get disappointed.

Perhaps part of the reason I'm not writing is because I'm content with my life. Aside from the friend thing...I have everything I need...the angst is gone and in turn so is my muse. Yet, something is missing...

I feel like I should be doing more...of what I don't know. I want to be more active. At least I wish I were...more outdoorsy--kayaking, hiking, etc...but the motivation isn't there...I hardly ever go to the gym anymore. This is something that definitely needs to be fixed. I bought a bike I hardly ride. Hopefully, the spring will correct this.

I've reconnected with my faith...though still have questions. Sometimes I feel like God is talking right to me--especially in my work, yet sometimes I still feel an emptiness...this happens most when I'm trying to read the bible. It almost feels contrived. forced. Perhaps because I don't know how to read a bible or more like I feel like it is so often misinterpreted the words have lost meaning somehow. This makes me think about the people who use the bible to spread hate and ignorance. Whether with regards to homosexuality or even accessing various forms of health treatment for those who's leaders preach that their faith should be enough. I just have a hard time believing that the message was meant to be interpreted that way. Wouldn't God want us to use all of the resources available in order to reduce suffering?

Sometimes I think about going back to school...mostly because I miss academia. My work is challenging, and I learn something new every day from the people I work with (clients and staff), but I feel like I need more. Maybe it's the structure, the social interaction, or just a quest to learn something new...but it's missing. I have been reading more though, granted nothing of academic value--but it's a start.

And so is this.