color blind rainbows with hang tags

Over the last few weeks and months, I have repeatedly tried to reconcile the violence and division that has been tearing at the fabric of our country through repeated acts of hatred because of differences in race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, and (dis)ability.

And I can't.
And nor should you.

Perhaps it is human nature, to look for someone else to blame and admittedly my preference was to point to a certain presumptive presidential nominee for repeatedly spreading a rhetoric of division and separation.  And yet, it has become increasingly clear to me over the course of the last year that said individual's rise in the political arena is due in large part to the undercurrent of American society.  Is it possible that in our attempts to be politically correct we have merely masked our nation's propensity towards fear and bigotry?  Thereby stifling the very conversations that may have lessened the current level of separation among these groups?

I recently attended a training that was conducted by two best friends, one African American and the other Caucasian as they shared their research and personal experiences of racism over the last 30 years.  And I must admit that I was humbled by my level of oblivion to the continued racial divide in this country--such that at the end of the day, as we went around the room and shared our take-away message--I was tearful in my apology for my own lack of awareness.

Because while it is true, that when I look at a person, I do not see color--this is due in part to the reality that I have always lived in predominately white areas of the country.  A consequence of which is that I have no close friends of color and with those individuals I do know, the discussion of their experiences of racial inequality are not discussed.   However, I have come to understand the concept of "White Privilege" in a new way--in the things I take for granted as normal occurrences (or more accurately those things that do not happen to me because of the color of my skin).

Part of this process of awakening, if you will, has also caused me to look at my life because of the minority groups to which I do belong.  I have and do experience prejudice as a member of the disabled, gay, and Christian communities (particularly due to the clash between the latter two)--and yet, what do I do about this?  Not a whole hell of a lot.  I may sputter about it from time to time to a close and openminded friend, but thus far I have done little in terms of advocacy or activism.  

Due to the disparity between Christian beliefs about homosexuality, I veered away from religion when strongly affiliated with gay culture and then as a Christian, I have shied away from this group in an effort to align more with my faith.  Granted, this has also been paired with adjustments in my understanding of where I fall on the Kinsley Scale as it has moved more towards the middle.  And yet, this remains dialectic that I experience where both can be true.  In an effort to fall within the guise of "correctness" I opt not to discuss one when in the company of the other--makes total sense, right?

And I have done the same with my disability.  I have fought for years to not be seen as disabled and yet have no problem parking in a handicapped spot.  And this was further perpetuated by a lack of acceptance by both sides--not able-bodied enough and yet not disabled enough to fit in with either group.

It has been said that the previously mentioned presumptive presidential nominee is merely "saying what the American people are really thinking".  And sadly, based on the events of the last several weeks, there is likely truth to this.  Said individual has built a campaign based on separation and division, fear, intolerance, and bigotry. 

Where am I going with all of this you may be wondering (and at the moment, so am I...)?  If we are going to stand up for change, we must stand up for ourselves and one another.  We must create an environment in which individuals feel safe sharing their experiences of separation and division, where differences are celebrated and explored--not brushed aside because they make us uncomfortable.  And no, we will not agree on everything--but we must love. We are called to love and love one another 365 times in the Bible--this is not by accident.  Instead of building walls and casting out, the bible calls us to build relationships and be in community with one another--only then will the violence, suffering, and pain cease to exist.

For good

It is perhaps a little known fact that I love musicals.  I still recall the excitement of being in middle school and seeing my first one--and while I have not actually *seen*  all too many, I know several soundtracks by heart.  Though, perhaps my all-time favorite thus far is Wicked.  And it is a song from that musical that sparks my entry for today.

Today marked my 8th anniversary with my current employer.  It is the place I have worked the longest and also the place that I will be leaving in just two weeks.  And while my departure is becoming somewhat amorphous with the opportunity to remain on part time for an undefined amount of time, I am grateful for the countless opportunities that have been afford me there.  

Over the past two weeks, I have spent a little time each day going through my office things and seeing what could be discarded.  Years of files, articles, handouts, training documents--cards from past clients--things that at the time seemed so important to hold onto.  And now, I realize that much of it must stay behind in this place as memories.

I've been reminded through several conversations and instances lately of the fragility of life--that all things eventually come to an end, this side of eternity.  Things and people that once seemed as though they were fixtures eventually are taken down or move on--and as was said today, we are all replaceable.  Interestingly, the person who said this, was the same individual who sadly had to spend the first half of our relationship trying to convince me that to her I was not replaceable.  And yet, today, I was able to matter-of-factly respond--"Yes, I know I am replaceable".  And indeed I am--to an extent.  Yet, there will never be another just like you or just like me...

So yes, eventually there will be someone complete the tasks that I once managed...as it should be, but they will not be me.  I have learned to separate my worth from what it is that I do.

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives
For a reason
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are led to those
Who help us most to grow if we let them.
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you.
Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun,
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood.
Who can say if I've been changed for the better
But because I knew you.
I have been changed for good.

It is without question, that I am no longer the same person as I was when I started there eight years ago and I have met people who have most certainly changed my life "for the good".