There is a gentle snow falling outside and the Christmas lights glow warmly from the tree and through the window outside. As I sit here writing, It's a Wonderful Life is playing on the TV (I've discovered Vudu). I haven't written in the last few weeks. Too busy in my own head, worrying about the 'what ifs', and allowing myself to be stuck in the darker corners of myself. I made some feable attempts at masking the space I was in. I was dreading this holiday, thinking that I would be feeling sad and alone.
Yet, as the comes to a close, I am filled with a sense of peace. Over the last 36 hours, I have been continually reminded of how truly blessed I am. I have been welcomed into the homes of friends--as family. I was there as my long-time friend's father became engaged. Listened to the sound of hymns and celebrated the meaning of the holiday. I made my mother's day by having breakfast at my childhood home, the first Christmas I've spent at home in five years. My friend's two year old was upset when it was time for me to leave. Brought dinner to my brother. And was then invited into the home of more friends for dessert, who had wonderful news to share. Now, home for the night, I am sitting on the couch wearing my best friend's sweatshirt. The one she left for me, to remind me that I am not alone.
[You've been given a great gift George, a chance to see what the world would be like without you...]
This really is one of my favorite holiday films and this year, more than others, it seems to mirror even more closely to my own life.
For weeks, months even; I have questioned my faith--the existance of God in my life. I'd allowed myself to block His presence with my fear and doubt. The events of this holiday have provided the indisputable truth that He is very much at work in my life, having surrounded [literally and figuratively] me with people who love and support me, as I am, for who I am.
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