I am

I am...

Matthew's sister
James and Beverly's daughter
a BFF
Auntie Kate
a Christian
disabled
loyal
a PsyD student
dextrosynistral
determined (read: stubborn)
trustworthy
a lover of learning
a mentor
a supervisor
a music lover
rhythmically challenged
an ACOA
a photographer
a potter
evolving

===

I was reminded today in a conversation with an other friend of one of the misperceptions regarding disability.  This being that the emphasis is on the disability--that when it comes to relationships, we are often viewed as asexual or anyone dating someone with a disability is something of a martyr.  His sentiments sent me into something of a tizzy for much of the afternoon.  Spiraling not just from intimate relationships but others as well.  For a long time I second guessed why anyone would be in relationship with me--the token friend.  In intimate relationships I settled for far less than what I now know I deserved, because at the time I didn't believe anyone else would love me that way/find me attractive (this was also then reinforced, by said partners).

This underlying belief that I was unworthy does not stem only from being a woman with a disability but in conjunction with a few other items listed above.

I am learning to not listen to the voices of my past and instead focus on those characteristics also listed that directly contract those previous statements.  Sometimes I slip back--progress is not always linear though still forward moving.