at the edge of the world

Whenever I am at the ocean, I always have a sense that I am at the edge of the world. That I am as close to God as I can be in this lifetime. So, it's fitting that this is where I am sitting as I type this.

I just spent the last two days at the NHPA conference at Hampton Beach. My first real venture into the world of a psychologist. I surprised myself, in someways by making the decision to participate--I put aside the thoughts that "I shouldn't be here--I'm just a MA level therapist/student" and was actually able to help one of the seasoned psychologists at my table better understand a concept.

Interestingly, in both sessions I attended, the discussion centered around helping patients sit w/distressing emotions and changing their relationship to those emotions.

Even though, I am have been doing this work with others for years--I still struggle with sitting w/my own distress. While I have made significant progress in this over the last few years as evidenced by reduction in GAD (OCD lite as was discussed today), less avoidance, fewer reassurance compulsions, and less frequent dissociation. I am still a work in progress.

I still have a tendency to numb unwanted or painful emotions, most notably through tattoos. If you ever were to ask me not "why that tattoo" but "what's going on/why now"? You'd get a very different response--assuming I felt safe enough in that moment to tell you. It isn't a coincidence that while each image signifies the promise of new life/rebirth, they have come following a major loss or transition that I was having a difficult time managing.

I've had the "itch" again more recently--we'll see if I do better this time.

Sent from my iPhone