Intimacy vs Isolation

Erikson outlined eight psychosocial stages of development--with a crisis that occurs at each stage the response to which propels us into the next stage.  These crises involve psychological needs of the individual (i.e. psycho) conflicting with the needs of society (i.e. social).  Currently, I find myself in the throws of Intimacy vs. Isolation which ranges from 18-40 with the goal of formulating health loving relationships with others outside of my family of origin.  So, how is this lone singleton doing amongst her sea of partnered and or parenting friends?  It depends.


My shrink and I have had many a conversation about this recently--particularly my decision to prioritized my career and training so haven't had a lot of room left over for the time and emotional commitment required to be part of a couple. Also, the fact that I wanted to take the time to work on the codependency/attachment issues that affect relationships before investing in one--conscious decisions not to engage as opposed to the avoidance and fear of commitment typically associated with Erikson's  description of Isolation.

And yet, there are days that there is still loneliness-particularly as others are busy with the complexities of parenting and family life.  I will often pick up the phone to call one of my friends and realize that it is bedtime for the kid(s) or that their spouse will likely be home soon--so, I rarely complete the call.  Or when requests to get together are frequently met with denials because of other commitments, I begin to question whether I am being needy and should stop asking which I am able to recognize as a remnant of my insecure attachments--because I am "not the gum".  But yes, I will jump at the opportunity when it arises that one of my friends initiates time together and look forward to plans when they are made.

From what I can tell, Erikson did no specify that to be "successful" in this stage, one had to be married/partnered, nor did they have to have children.  Though, that is commonly what is thought of societally.  I have formed and have been able to maintain loving relationships with  others.  I have been blessed with the gift of several life long friendships and have been welcomed into the families of my friends, such that I am referred to as Auntie Kate by their children.  

But does that make it Intimacy of the fringes?  No.  To say that it does, would imply that the love that I have for these individuals or they for me is of less value--it isn't, though it is differently prioritized and rightfully so.

So, we head into Thanksgiving, I am grateful for that love and those relationships which God has given to me.