So many times since my last entry I have thought about posting here...but, it didn't work out for a variety of reasons. There has been many changes since my last post. Some less obvious than others. And words do not flow as smoothly as they once did--but this is an attempt at reconnecting with a form that was once helpful to me.
There are days I feel like I am drowning and others content--and a range in between. Work is one of the places where I feel most effective in my life right now, but even as I sit here now...today is an off day (it is rainy and cold and been a long week). I am cranky today and my compassion reserves are limited (not ideal for a shrink). But, I am human.
I find myself often filled with excitement yet dread as I am nearing the final stages of the licensure process as a psychologist. I also feel stuck more often than not in a life that is not what I envisioned for myself unsure of what to do next and searching.
For what? I don't know...fulfillment, I guess. To feel whole. I have learned that these things do not come from acts or others but from within...so that is progress. And I am becoming increasingly disinterested in people or situations that deplete me without giving back. Yet, I am still struggling somewhat with finding a balance or setting limits with those dynamics...which perpetuates the feeling of permanence in my current predicament.
The irony of my life these days is staggering:
I was tired of being taken advantage of and am now in a situation far worse. On so so many levels.
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