this point in my life

Tracy had it right...

Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
Oh i, oh ive
Done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right

At this point in my life
Ive done so many things wrong I don't know if I can do right
If you put your trust in me I hope I wont let you down
If you give me a chance I'll try
You see it's been a hard road the road Im traveling on
And if I take your hand I might lead you down the path to ruin
Ive had a hard life Im just saying it so you'll understand
That right now, right now, Im doing the best I can

At this point in my life
At this point in my life
Although Ive mostly walked in the shadows
Im still searching for the light
Wont you put your faith in me
We both know that's what matters
If you give me a chance I'll try
You see Ive been climbing stairs but mostly stumbling down
Ive been reaching high always losing ground
You see Ive been reaching high but always losing ground
You see Ive conquered hills but I still have mountains to climb
And right now right now Im doing the best I can
At this point in my life

Before we take a step
Before we walk down that path
Before I make any promises
Before you have regrets
Before we talk commitment
Let me tell you of my past
All Ive seen and all Ive done
The things I'd like to forget

At this point in my life
At this point in my life
Id like to live as if only love mattered
As if redemption was in sight
As if the search to live honestly
Is all that anyone needs
No matter if you find it

You see when Ive touched the sky
The earths gravity has pulled me down
But now Ive reconciled that in this world
Birds and angels get the wings to fly
If you can believe in this heart of mine
If you can give it a try
Then I'll reach inside and find and give you
All the sweetness that I have
At this point in my life
At this point in my life

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/t/tracy+chapman/#share

projection

coward
hypocrite
selfish
phony
ungrateful

inconsiderate little piece of shit.

love you too.

i'm sorry...you must have me confused with someone else...

look in the mirror lately?

disappointment
do as i say, not as i do
if that's what you have to do
white picket fence
narcissist

standing alone.

Cleanse

Four years ago I began a journey. I had recently lost two grandparents to cancer...I was significantly overweight and unhappy. It was then that I decided I needed to change my life. I started eating better, exercising, and stretching regularly. I lost 70lbs that year. Since then life has been a whirl wind. I've gained most of the weight back (it's been a rough year), can't remember the last time I went to the gym, and stretch sporadically.

It's time to kick it into gear again.

Beth was visiting last week and told be about a cleanse she is starting this month. It's based off of the book Clean. --->.

I am going to use this cleanse to begin healing from the tumultuous year I've had. I'm going to lose the weight, once and for all, and start taking care of myself for good this time.

I also plan to use 2011 to reduce my carbon footprint and finally stop living beyond my means. I'm going to pay off my credit cards and take a few lessons from Kate, in terms of financial management. I'm tired of stressing about money, not being able to do the things I want--> comfortably take the dog for a walk, go for a hike. I just want to be better. To be healthy. To be clean.

there are things in this life...

that I do not think I was made to understand.

There's a lot going on these days with friends and family, some of it I understand and some I don't--> and probably never will. Day in and day out, I listen to people's stories. The things they've experienced, and more often, the things they have survived. It makes me question humanity, the things I hear. The atrocities we commit against our fellow (wo)man are mind blowing. Lying, cheating, stealing, assaults of every kind, substance abuse, neglect, suffering...I can't help but think that this is not what our creators had in mind.

The story was not supposed to be this way.

At times I think of myself as a journal, a place where secrets are stored. Mine, yours, the person walking down the street. We all need a place to keep our stories, no matter how painful, so that others may learn from them. Our stories make us who we are, they shape how we interact with the world...it's like Shakespeare, "All the world is a stage, and we are but players in it".

What does your story say about you?

I believe that it is possible to change the outcome of our stories, but in order to do this, we must make sacrifices. We must make ourselves vulnerable. We must move into the unknown, where there is no map, no right way.

...just free falling...

Sometimes that means making some of the most difficult decisions of our lives, ending relationships, changing careers, saying you're sorry. It's taking personal responsibility for your part in the story, and it's impact on the characters around you.

It's taking a personal inventory.

What's in your closet?

view from my window

A Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON . . . It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically,emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrong doing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.

Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.

What we must realise is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.

When people come into your life for a SEASON . . .Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn.They bring you an experience of peace, or make you laugh.They may teach you something you have never done.They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

Author Unknown

I knew this person once...years ago. She was a major support to me during adolescence. But the relationship ended somewhat badly. But it seems that every few years our lives cross again, but only for a moment. A few years back it was at a conference. This time, a store.

We were in Salem MA on Saturday, along with probably 250,000 other people. The streets were a sea of people. My friends and I stopped into a store to look around. Suddenly I look up and there she was. We said hello and then she was gone...back out into the crowds.

I think about her sometimes, I wonder how she is...I have regrets about that relationship. Maybe so does she. Last time, I tried to reach out to her...but she did not respond. This time, I will not. Instead, I will just be grateful for the passing. And to see that she is well.