...inside the dark...

junior year, i remember my hs english teacher saying to me, "i have seen inside your head--it's dark in there--but its nothing like mine."  i'll never forget it.  he was something of a father figure to me.  i sat in the back of the room in that class.  i always liked it in the back--less attention. 

i didn't do a fabulous job of using my skills today.

i felt myself slipping and didn't really do much about it.  no time really, was sort of on overload.  too many 'things' today.  so the gremlins crept in, and i let them...with their judgments and shoulds in tow.

not good enough....
daughter
partner
friend
employee


i should...
make amends
be honest, expect less
not deserve anything good
be better at [insert negative here]

i know what i needed to do.  but i didn't because i was being stubborn.  my dear man was weak and my intensity did not meet my level of need--because i didn't want to be a burden.  in a way, detaching in preparation for vacation.

there are benefits though of spending time inside my head.  i do figure things out in there.  i need to be better to myself.  listen to my own advise (so good at giving it--not so much at taking it).  forgive myself, like really.

truly participate.

let go of fear.
trust my wise mind.

practice radical acceptance.
learn to love myself.