I am not an all or nothing type person. I may have been when I was younger. But at this point in my life (listened to that song this morning--SO applicable), not only do I see and appreciate the gray, but need it. Life is not black and white because people are not black and white. We often say one thing, and do another. Not out of any ill will, but more I think from a place of wisdom; once the emotion has subsided and reason can weigh in.
Trust. What does this mean? I will not bore you with an actual definition, but more mine. For me this word--is more of a feeling. How much of myself, my authentic self, do I put in the hands of another. I have people in my life, whom I trust implicitly, because they get me, there are those I do not trust much at all, and then there are all of those in between. Once trust is broken, it is hard to recover, it must be earned --but I believe in second chances. I would want a second chance if it were me...gray. So, when boxed into a corner, I default to "I don't know", because well...I don't. As I said, its about a feeling, not fact. I have been wrong before, will likely happen again, but that does not mean that it should not happen either--because I could be wrong.
Gain. What do I hope to gain from relationships? Sounds so materialistic and self-serving. I give a lot in relationships with others. This allows me to connect with people because I am present with them, not looking for how I will profit, or worse lose. Life doesn't happen on Wall St. Part of what I "gain" is the relationship itself, the connection with another person, no matter how static it may be. The level of static has a direct correlation with the amount of trust in the relationship. Do I know what to expect? What are the unknowns, the gray?
More later. Time to get ready for work.
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