Hide

To anyone who hides behind a smile
To anyone who holds their pain inside
To anyone who thinks they're not good enough
To anyone who feels unworthy of love
To anyone who ever closed the door
Closed their eyes and locked themselves away

You don't have to hide
You don't have to hide anymore
You don't have to face this on your own
You don't have to hide anymore

So come out, come out, come out wherever you are
To anyone who's tryin' to cover up their scars
To anyone who's ever made a big mistake
We've all been there, so don't be ashamed
Come out, come out and join the rest of us
You've been alone for way too long

And if you feel like no one understands
Come to the One with scars on His hands
'Cause He knows where you are, where you've been
His scars will heal you if you let Him


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Never would have pegged myself for a Christian music girl...though, I probably said the same thing about country at one point in my life.  Nevertheless, this song has been on repeat in my CD player for about the last week.  God and I have really had a parent-child relationship--you know as in those ugly adolescent years--full of angst and blame--I rebelled, pushed back against His constant love.  Still sometimes, I feel his presence is not as strong as it once ways.  But I know that its more about my inability to be open to Him than it is His not wanting to be there. 

The first verse is as though it were written with me in mind, or at least how I feel.  I've locked myself away for years at a time; shutting myself off from letting anyone get too close.  Afraid of being discovered, for what I believed I truly was.  Even now, I feel myself more distant, from God, from family, from friends--more detached.  I don't ask for help and when I do, I feel like a burden.  Right now, I feel like a burden.  I've been asking for help, needed for sure, but having difficulty shaking off the feelings.  As result, more in my head--reaching out, but limitedly (pretty much just made up a word there).

Deep down I know I don't have to go it all alone.  I've got people--He sent in some heavy artillery, to remind me.  But I am stubborn. My Daddy taught me well--rely on no one, trust no one, don't let anyone get too close; you will get burned.  I am fighting the Action Urge daily these days, to retreat into my dark little corner of the world, walls up, mask on.  So, I have this song on repeat--stay connected, walls down, trusting.  Daddy doesn't always know best.

I cannot go it alone anymore.
I am good enough.
I am worthy of love.