I drove past my old house yesterday. It was impulsive--I was out running errands and debating what to get people for Christmas--I was about to pass by the street--the next thing I knew, I was going past the house. There was a momentary pang of pain--the house looks essentially the same as when I left it over two years ago. As I turned onto the next street, the emotion subsided. I was reminded that I am far from the person I was when I last drove away, two years prior.
"Life before God is not worth holding onto…the past will not be different"--Boundaries
Our past never changes (though our memories and meanings of it may)--the events are static. Yet, it is our relationships today, with God, and others that shape what tomorrow will be.
"Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and the trust will follow"--Man of Steal
I am beginning to trust in myself through faith that there is a plan for me. This has had a profound impact on my mental, emotional, and spiritual states of late. When I become anxious (because lets be real, that still happens regularly), I ask for the strength to see it through--not for it to be taken away. I realize that there is a reason I am experiencing these feelings in the moment, and I must sit with them to understand why. This actually decreases the intensity of the feelings (which totally makes sense on multiple levels).
I still have a ways to go to get where I would like to be, and I also know that for today I am right where I am supposed to be.
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