Long way home

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)

Has become one of my favorite bible verses--so much so, that it is inscribed on my thumb ring.  I find myself looking at the text often, especially in times of frustration, sadness, worry, or fear--it reminds me that everything is as it should be according to His plan--which is not mine to understand.  I spent a lot of time looking at it today.

Tomorrow marks two years that I ended a rather painful chapter of my life. One that had started five years earlier to the day.  I was only 25 at the time and thought I knew everything.  

Seven years later, I have come to realize that the path I was walking on was not the one that had been intended, but was then used to serve a purpose. His.  It brought me full circle--back home to NH and ultimately back to faith--this time a deeper saving relationship.  Granted...I took the LONG way home--but, I made it.  

The scars of that journey (and those of earlier in life) are slowly fading.  I have come to know Agape, both as a giver and receiver.  And the relationships I have in my life are now built on that--unconditional and unending.

I am not the person I once was...I have become the new and improved version I was always afraid of being traded in for.  Granted, I still have tough days--weeks, and I am far from perfect.  But I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  

Moving on

I drove past my old house yesterday.  It was impulsive--I was out running errands and debating what to get people for Christmas--I was about to pass by the street--the next thing I knew, I was going past the house.  There was a momentary pang of pain--the house looks essentially the same as when I left it over two years ago.  As I turned onto the next street, the emotion subsided.  I was reminded that I am far from the person I was when I last drove away, two years prior.

"Life before God is not worth holding onto…the past will not be different"--Boundaries


Our past never changes (though our memories and meanings of it may)--the events are static.  Yet, it is our relationships today, with God, and others that shape what tomorrow will be.

"Sometimes we have to take a leap of faith and the trust will follow"--Man of Steal

I am beginning to trust in myself through faith that there is a plan for me.  This has had a profound impact on my mental, emotional, and spiritual states of late.  When I become anxious (because lets be real, that still happens regularly), I ask for the strength to see it through--not for it to be taken away.  I realize that there is a reason I am experiencing these feelings in the moment, and I must sit with them to understand why.  This actually decreases the intensity of the feelings (which totally makes sense on multiple levels).

I still have a ways to go to get where I would like to be, and I also know that for today I am right where I am supposed to be.