Started trying to write a poem, but words would not flow. So, prose it is. Today has been an emotional day. My mind has been racing with all sorts of things. Family, friends, things left to do. Anxiety. All day. There were brief periods of relief, but these were short lived. Even now as I write this, I can feel the tightness returning in my chest, the aching. Sleep will be scarce tonight. Coffee will be my friend to make it through the day. That and adrenaline. It'll be okay...
Drained. As it spikes again.
Fuck.
Same conversation...here we go. No resolution. Unless I play by the rules. Obsessed. No. Why can't I control myself? Why do I have to? It isn't I who is out of control...and that is the problem. Isn't it? The balance of power is shifting. And that is scary for all involved. Even me. What will come of these changes I don't know...but they are needed. I'll deal with the consequences.
Tired of being quiet, passive...but not defiant. Do not villainize me, the situation, or my friend. It is what it is. Quite simple actually. You would see that if you could open your eyes instead of being blinded by fear and insecurity. Which is actually doing nothing more than pushing me farther away.
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